My Heart Beats for Africa!

Do you know what if feels like to be heartbroken?

To be homesick?

To miss someone or something so much it hurts?

Do you know that feeling, the feeling where your heart actually aches for something?

Whether it be a lover or a friend or a home or whatever else.

My heart aches like that for Africa tonight!

I sat at Vineyard tonight and listened to Tara Wallace speak from her heart in a huge way, about her recent trip to Sudan and Uganda and about being a Proverbs 31 woman! Now, don't get me wrong her words about being a Proverbs 31 woman were powerful and full of truth, but that isn't what hit me tonight. What hit me tonight were the pictures of the little orphans that Tara showed and bits and pieces of the stories that she told.

You see its been a year and a half since I was in Uganda, Africa, and I truly believe that I left a huge piece of my heart there. I've known for a little while now that I am called to go back, but tonight as I sat there and listened to her powerful words, my heart ached to go back!
My heart ached to hold little African babies, that just need love!


I've read blogs like this and this and just sat and cried for hours! There are children that are in desperate need for LOVE and we're too busy sitting here in America, drinking our expensive Starbucks coffees, driving our fancy cars, and living in our huge houses to even pay attention to the need that these children have. On August 20th of this year after reading some of those blog entries I wrote this in my journal:

"Thoughts baffle my mind, because I had myself convinced that long term missions was not for me, ministry, sure, but not missions. I had myself convinced that living in the US, marrying a youth pastor or someone who shared my passion for ministry is what I was supposed to be doing. I had myself convinced that while my heart aches for Africa, that God would allow me to go back someday, on a short term basis…this is scary…cause right now my heart just wants to be in Africa and not just for a week or two or a month but forever. I've convinced myself that long term missions is not for me…but is that me? Or is that God? Am I doubting my God? Have I been running away from what He is calling me to do? Was I so hurt by Chris that when I couldn't go to Malta, I ran from missions? Was I THAT crushed? I need to hear the voice of the Lord…I need to see His face...I need to feel His presence!"

About a month after I wrote that journal entry and had read more and more blog posts about people's ministries in Africa, going all the way back to the beginning of their stories and reading for hours...I wrote another journal entry title: "My heart is shaped like Africa!" It went something like this:

"Is it fair to say I'm having a hard time living in America while my heart is in Africa? I think so! While so much change is going on in my life…while I'm supposed to be looking for a job, the only thing my heart screams is Africa...Jesus, this makes NO sense...you sent me back to school...I don't get it Lord, why school when you knew I would be job searching? Why school when you know my heart beats for Africa? Why America when all I really want is Africa! Lord help me…cause I know that YOU have plans for my life...and that all MY plans and dreams can be thrown to the side in a second...but I'm confused where you want me and what you are doing with me on this tiny path in the long road that is my life!"

Shortly after I wrote that in my journal, I was reading another blog, a blog having nothing to do with missions or Africa, but in this blog the Christian blogger wrote this:

"I don't know what you are walking away from tonight, but as I have been praying about what to write the Lord has put this message on my heart so clearly that I had to share it. I want you to know I am praying for you as I write-asking the Lord to remind you tonight that there is a reason you have left that life behind."

It was as if she wrote the blog post for me...it is time for me to get ready to walk away from a life of comfort and walk into a life of uneasiness and completely trust the Lord with my life! That same night I wrote another journal entry (sorry that there are SO many of these, I just need to help you guys catch up to where my heart has been for the last few months!) I wrote:

"The place where you are standing is Holy Ground...there is something about worship that requires me to be barefoot...I don't care where I am or what church service it is...whether I will be looked at weird or not...I almost always take my shoes off...when I speak I do the same...the place where you are standing is Holy Ground...its not my name that I am speaking, but it is His...and I want His name to be honored...but tonight...I don't want to just stand on Holy Ground...but I want to RUN on Holy Ground….I wanna run barefoot...I wanna run into His presence and serve Him like never before...I want to run this race with perseverance!! I WANNA RUN!"

So you see...after listening to Tara speak tonight after a few months of being called back to missions and knowing that my life isn't going to be normal...tonight, I just broke...I want that...I want those babies...I want that life...I'm ready for it (or so I think) but the fact is...its not about MY timing, its about HIS timing!! Now just waiting for the Lord to open the right doors....



....hoping that His doors look like this one (taken in Africa) SOON!!


But until then....
I will remain with an achy heart for the children of Africa!!