Trust HIM....what's the worst that could happen?

If ever you were to record conversations that my husband and I have on a regular basis...you would probably hear one of two topics...either Africa and our desire to be back there....or babies and our desire to start a family in the near future! Both of these topics separately make my heart smile in huge ways!!!

I am so very excited for the moment when God has opened every door perfectly and my husband and I board a plane for Southern Sudan!! I can't wait to be back in Africa, to be snuggling sweet African babies, to be reaching out to poor widows, and just to be loving on God's people in a huge way!! I can't wait!!

I have dreamed since I was a little girl about being a Mommy!! Christopher and I talk alot about home birth and the idea that birth doesn't have to be such a stressful ordeal. I can't wait for the day when the Lord blesses us with our very own little baby! I can't wait to look into their precious eyes and know that God knit them together perfectly in my womb! I can't wait to see my big strong protective husband holding our tiny little seconds old baby!! I can't wait!!

And while my heart loves both of things separately there has been a place in my heart that has been holding on to a deep dark fear, what happens if this two amazing dreams of mine collide? What happens if I get pregnant and then the Lord opens the doors for us to go to Sudan? What happens if I have to deliver my baby in Africa? What does that look like? What if there are complications? They don't have the best medical care over there?! WHAT IF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? These questions have haunted me! My sweet husband has listed several different options over the last few weeks, we could travel to Uganda where the hospitals are better, we could go to Italy and stay there for about a month around the birth of the baby, we could come back to the US if we absolutely needed to. Every time we talked about it my fear grew more and more....to the point where I even told myself that it might be best if we put off starting our family right away (something that I really don't want to do). I was living in fear of the future, of the unknown. That is...until.....


This morning when my husband and I went to church. There is something amazingly sweet about worshiping the Lord with your husband by your side! We sang several songs and I was just singing and praising Him....just like every other Sunday......until the Pastor's wife gets up and shares this story about a brown recluse spider in their house and how she was so afraid of it that she couldn't even sleep. Finally she got to the point where she said...what is the WORST that can happen? I could get bit and my skin could rot and fall off. But that won't necessarily happen...it’s just the worst case scenario. She goes on to talk about things in life that we are often afraid of, but that the Lord is just asking us to trust Him on. And most of the time, those risks that we are SO afraid of are just worst case scenarios, not necessarily what WILL happen if we take that step of faith. She continued speaking (I am sure she said some good, powerful stuff) but all I could hear was the sweet small whisper of my Savior:

"Do you trust me? Do you trust me with your future children? Do you trust me? What's the worst that can happen? Your baby could die an earthly death and live in eternity with me. But that's worst case scenario, remember? Do you trust your husband that he will only take the risks that I ask him to take? Do you trust me? Or will you live in this fear? This fear of the unknown, this fear of losing a child"

I squeezed my husband’s hand a little bit tighter. My God was really asking me to do this! To not only take the step of faith and go to Africa with my husband, but also to trust Him with the perfect timing and location of the birth of our future child(ren)! The worship band began to play again....

"We lift up our eyes,
lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life
We lift up our eyes,
lift up our eyes
You’re the Giver of Life "

....(my eyes filled with tears).....He IS the giver of life! He can do anything that He desires...He is God! He is love! He is good!

And I trust Him completely! And I trust my husband completely to listen to the voice of God! So whether our baby is born in Africa, in Italy, in America or even Antarctica, as long as we are following in the footsteps of the Lord, I WILL NOT FEAR!!!

(Side note: To the best of our knowledge we are not currently pregnant, but we know that it is something we both desire in the near future!) “

Pedaling away...trusting the Lord and my husband!!

Last Saturday, Christopher and I went to the state park to go bike riding! I truly enjoy bike riding, but I am far from in shape right now and it was well over 100 degrees that afternoon...so it was rough! As we started out pedaling around the loop of the state park we start at the bottom of the hill....I complained about starting up hill...why didn't we go the other way, so that we could go down hill first?! But my husband insisted, so I followed! We continued this journey...sometimes I was walking my bike up the big hills...stopping for water every now and then! It was hot! I was sore! I was getting grumpy...UGH! Why did we decide to do THIS...today...when it was SO hot out? At one point we stopped for a brief water break, and I needed to sit down for a minute, I was feeling dizzy, and really hot! I drank a lot of water but still was not feeling good...wasn't really sure if I could keep going, kinda felt like I was going to pass out. I even laid down on the ground at one point, it was so hot! I remember thinking, maybe Chris will go get the car and we can just call it quits for today! Instead my husband knelt down next to me, took my pulse (like a good paramedic does ;-), told me to drink some more water and helped me up to my feet. After giving me a little bit more time to breathe, he said alright, let's get going, you can do this. We pushed through a few more hills and even got to go down hill quite a bit in the end! We finally finished the whole loop and jumped in the lake afterwards to cool off.

I could stop there and just let you have a glimpse of our fun, HOT afternoon, but that was not really the point in me telling you this story. You see as we were finishing the loop, the Lord began to speak to me. In the same way that on that bike ride I got tired, had to walk my bike, needed water, had to rest, and was hot; our life will be like that! There will be moments when I can't keep climbing the hill full speed on the bike and I must stop and walk the rest of the way up. There will be moments that I just need to be refreshed and need to soak in some water. There will be moments when I don't feel like going on, when I just want to give up and quit. But just like on that ride, I will make it through those difficulties in life...not by my own strength, but with the overwhelming support of my sweet husband and by the strength and courage of Our Lord! The Lord will be that refreshment that I NEED to keep going. He will be there to keep pushing through the hills and will allow me to rest in His arms when the days are hard. And now...the Lord has also given me a husband, a man whom I trust and love with all my heart. A man that will kneel down be side me, take my pulse-knowing me better than I know myself, encourage me drink of the Lord and to keep going, because he knows that I can do it. A man that will lead the way and even purposefully leave the down hill part for the end of the loop, knowing that by then I would have nothing left! A man that while leading me, will have his eyes focused on the Lord and the plans and steps that HE lays out for us to take!

Whether on a hot bike ride in Texas, living in the slums of Africa or traveling down whatever path the Lord leads us on, I am so very blessed to be following this amazing man!!

South Sudan!

My heart is overjoyed when I look at the faces of these people!
They are finally free from the Northern Sudanese Government!!
Please continue to pray for these people, there is still a great deal of pain and loads of healing that the Lord needs to do in their lives! Christopher and I are anxious to return to these people, but know that the Lord's timing is perfect and so instead we rejoice with South Sudan from afar! The Lord is good and we are excited for all that He has in store for us, for Sudan, for His people!!!