The Birth of Madison Grace

Many people have asked to hear the birth story of our newest bundle and to be honest, I have been hesitant to share, not because it isn't beautiful and we didn't receive an amazing blessing from it, but because it clearly shows my raw human side. It shows me trying to handle things on my own and in my own strength, rather than leaning on God to be my source of strength. The more I have thought and processed things the last few weeks since Maddie's birth, the more I feel like I am supposed to share her birth story openly and the lessons that I learned from it. I need to be honest though and tell you that these lessons are hard to share, because I had dreams of the way things were supposed to go during her birth....and it went much different! 

Two weeks before Maddie was born, on a Sunday night, my contractions started and I thought for sure, that just like Makayla's birth, I would fall asleep and wake up at some point with stronger contractions and she would be born the next day. But I went to bed that Sunday night and woke up Monday morning to nothing happening. That trend continued for several nights. Thursday & Friday of that week the contractions grew very strong and close together leaving me thinking both days that we were indeed going to have our little girl that day. Friday night after talking to our midwife we decided to go to the hospital, we needed conformation that she wasn't breech or there weren't any other complications. We basically spent a couple hours at the hospital for them to think we were crazy for having a home birth and for them to confirm she was head down, but that I was only 3 cm dialated. We were sent home, a little discouraged that I was not further along, but relieved that a home birth was still very much the route we were going to take since we now knew for sure she was in a good position and everything looked great! 

In the middle of the night that Friday night I started running a fever, and knew I had a sinus infection! I started pumping extra vitamins, was drinking as much as I could and resting a lot! By Sunday my fever had not broken, but my contractions were strong and close together! My fever kept rising and I began to wonder if I would have the strength to deliver a baby being as sick as I was. Christopher was monitoring me and baby very closely and by mid-afternoon Maddie's heart rate began to rise a little more than we were comfortable with so he started an IV on me to get fluids in me. After the whole bag of fluids and no change in baby or I, we decided we would once again venture to the hospital. This time I was very scared that since I was so sick and her heart rate was high that I would end up having a c-section. After another 2 liters of fluids, a negative flu test, and an antiobotic for my sinus infection; my contractions slowed, I finally stopped shivering, the fever dropped, Maddie's heart rate returned to normal and we were sent home again! I felt relived believing that there was still a possibility that I would get my dream home water birth! 

For the next 2 weeks I had contractions on and off, they would build up a little and then taper off. I was able to attend my family's extended Christmas party, Christmas Eve service, celebrate Christmas Day with family, and go to a friend's baby shower....all things I had left open ended because I didn't know when our sweet girl was going to come! My due date came and went, however the next day things began to pick up again and by bedtime I was certain that instead of sleeping that night I was going to deliver a baby!!! 

My contractions really picked around 10 PM on December 29th and continued to progress and get stronger. We timed contractions, filled up the birthing tub, prepared ourselves (as much as one can) for our dream home water birth to become a reality. By about 2 am the fear inside of me began to grow. I remembered Makayla's birth and how she didn't want to drop into the birth canel. I thought of so many complications that could be going wrong. I was worried because my water hadn't broken...what if something was wrong and we just didn't know it. Christopher tried to reassure me that everything was ok, the baby's heart rate was good and steady, my heartrate and bloodpressue and everything was normal, there was really nothing to worry about. I doubted him...I feared the worst...I didn't stop and pray (like we had during Makayla's birth when things got rough)...I just let fear take control and convienced myself that something was wrong. At around 3:30 in the morning on December 30th I told Christopher we needed to go to the hospital. He knew everything was okay, there were no signs that anything was wrong with the baby or me, but he also knew I was panicing and he needed to be the supportive husbnad. So we packed up our bags, I crawled to the top of the stairs screaming with the contractions, managed to get into the car and off we went to the hospital. 

We arrived at the hospital at 4:22 am, Christopher went in to get me a wheelchair, we got to the desk and they sent me back right away. They got me on the bed to check me and the nurse goes, she is 10 cm with a buldging bag, we need to go now!! They rushed me to the delivery room, got me into the other bed and asked if I wanted to push. The first push was bag which they proceeded to break, the second was her head, followed by shoulders on the third and everything else on the fourth push. Madison Grace Mullins was born at 4:32 am, a mere 10 minutes after arriving at the hospital. 

I struggle with telling her story, because I know that I could have done it at home, I had the strength and the ability to deliver her at home like we had planned, but I paniced. My husband didn't get the joy of delivering his second little girl, like he did with Makayla. We missed out on the quiet intimate delivery and instead got the rush and craziness of a hosptial. Unlike the birth center where we could relax and go home when we wanted, we were shipped off to the Mommy and Baby ward where we were bothered a lot, checking vitals, nurses, food delivers, lactation services and had to fight tooth and nail to be discharged after 24 hours.  It is hard for me to look back on the day of her delivery and not picture all of these things. Please hear me, I LOVE my girl and am so thrilled that she is here and healthy and all is well, but her birth story just didn't go as planned and I blame myself for that. I freaked out and doubted my ability to handle the labor, I didn't trust that my husband knew what he was doing and could completely handle her delivery and most of all I didn't lean on Christ to be my source of strength. 

Christopher has forgiven me and has been so gracious about the whole situation. I am still working on and struggling through forgiving myself. I feel as if I let a lot of people down that day - our midwife from Texas who assured me throughout the whole pregnancy that we could handle a home birth on our own, my husband who didn't get the chance to deliver his baby, my daughter who's birth story will never be what I dreamed it would be, myself for not believing I could handle it and God for not trusting that He could pull me through. Some people may read this and think I am crazy for feeling this way, afterall I did deliver her all naturally without any drugs and she is still healthy and all is well, but for me the healing process of not having my dream birth is still painful. 

So there you have it, the birth of our sweet girl, our Madison Grace, our mini M & M! We love her and are beyond thrilled that she is the beautiful addition to our family. 

Blessed

I lay here cuddled up beneath my warm blankets and listen to my sweet 16 month old giggle and "talk" to one stuffed animal friend or another in the next room. It's 6 am and I am certain that she probably just woke up to the sound of her Daddy getting ready to go out hunting and she will soon drift back off to sleep, however I can't help but smile and thank The Lord for so many blessings! She is happy and healthy, thriving and walking (FINALLY), and soon this little one growing inside me will join our little family and our blessings will overflow even more! I've been thinking a lot the last few days about how our family of 3 will soon be a memory, how having only one child will soon fade away and we will become a family of 4! I worry that maybe Makayla will struggle to adjust to the new baby and not being the center of Mommy's attention anymore. I worry that maybe having another baby so soon after the first was a crazy idea. I worry that maybe between the craziness of being a Mommy to two under the age of 2 that maybe my marriage will not be as strong as it once was. But then I hear her giggle and I know that all will be right with my little world! Sure, there will be a transition from one to two kids and sure MJ will probably struggle a little, but someday these girls will be best friends and amazingly close sisters. Sure, people around us will probably think we ARE crazy when I carry a newborn baby in one hand and have the little fingers of my toddler wrapped around a finger on my other hand as she toddles her way around and sure the dynamic of our marriage will not be what it once was as newlyweds! But again I hear her talk to her "friends" and I know The Lord has been so good to us and the blessing of this new little life that will soon enter the world will not be a hindrance on my family or marriage but an extra special blessing for all of us!! So today instead of choosing to embrace the worrys and the what-if's of this new life, I will chose to embrace the blessing that she is going to be to us and the joy that she will bring our family and I will KNOW that The Lord is good and faithful to be our source of strength and GRACE through this crazy season of our lives!!! And I KNOW I am SO blessed!! 

MOPS

Twenty-some years ago we used to be the family that stayed at home on Sunday mornings, slept in and watched cartoons! That was before my Mom got invited to this "MOPS" program at a church that turned our whole families lives in a complete different direction! It was because of MOPS that we started attending that church, that my parents committed their lives to Christ and now all 4 of my siblings and I are living for The Lord! If it wasn't for that invitation to MOPS and The Lord tugging at the strings of my Mom's heart I don't know what our lives would look like today. Tomorrow morning I get to go to my first MOPS meeting as a Mom! :-) So grateful for all The Lord has done in our families lives and how exciting this adventure has been since we have chosen to walk with Him!! 

Oh life!

Two years ago this week, I said "I do" and jumped head first into this journey of married life!! Looking back at our wedding there were so many precious moments, standing on that stage before our friends and family committing ourselves to a Godly marriage, that stand out in my mind! My brother-in-law playing our music, the fact that we washed each others feet, dancing out of the sanctury to Stuck Like Glue, so many special moments, but one stands out in my mind more than any other!  The moment my niece, who was 7 at the time read a passage from 1 Corinthians out loud! While my heart has always loved this passage, the emphasis her little voice put on the last 3 words has stuck with me! LOVE NEVER FAILS! 

There have been many great moments and memories over the last couple years and a few hard ones, but our love for each other and the love that Christ has for us as a couple has truly stood firm!! 

To say that our life is a roller coaster would be an understatement! We have lived in a 4 bedroom rental home, an air matteress in Sudan, and now we reside in a 32 foot travel trailer in my in laws back yard, but that too will soon be changing! In September we will pack up our Texas lives and move to Indiana to be close to my family and help my Mom as she continues to battle MS! My emotions about this move are a rollarcoasster in and of themselves as we love our community here in Texas, but miss my family in Indiana! We have watched God open doors for this move and so we are trusting in His good and perfect will! 

This summer is another huge milestone in our lives! A year ago in July we welcomed this bundle of Joy into our lives and we have watched her blossom and bloom into this little busy body!! 

Along with all our milestones and changes come the growing of our little family! Here we grow again! At the end of this year we will welcome another little one into our family and our lives will be forever changed yet again! We love the way The Lord is so faithful to us and continues to bless us on a daily basis! 

Homosexuality and Boy scouts

I have been thinking a lot about the recent decision to allow gay boys to participate in Boy Scouts. I have been trying to put myself in several different people's shoes looking at this situation, the parents of Boy Scouts, the actual Boy Scouts themselves, the scout leaders, the different churches and organizations that now are faced with a tough decision to continue to support Boy Scouts and I have even tried to consider what Jesus would think and feel about this situation if He were walking this earth today. So with that being said these are my thoughts on the subject, everyone is entitled to their own opinion so you don't have to agree with me, just sharing my thoughts with you. 

The main thought that has crossed my mind over and over and over again throughout this topic is LOVE! Are we not, as Christians, called to love everyone? Is it not our duty in life to show others, especially those that are lost, the love of Christ? I feel like Christians in general are trying more and more to seclude themselves from the outside world, to not allow other sinners into our churches, homes, and now Boy Scout troops! It makes my heart sad, because if there is a young boy who is lost and living this lifestyle, isn't he the one that we should be reaching out to? Isn't he the one that needs to be shown the love of a savior more than anyone else? 

I don't know much about Boy Scouts, but from what I do understand it is about teaching young boys about wilderness survival, teaching them to fish and tie knots, going on camping trips, ect. I am sure there are VERY important lessons that are taught and learned through these experiences, so why is it that a young boy who is gay should not be allowed to have those same experiences?

As a parent of a baby, I have found myself looking at our world and all the junk that is in it and wanting to shelter my child from it, but the more I seek the face of The Lord, the more I see that He needs to use the children too! If I were to shelter my children, never allowing them into the public world, never allowing them to be a part of Boy Scouts or any other organization that doesn't totally and completely line up with the Word of God, then how would The Lord use them to reach others?

 As Christian parents we need to be, no we MUST be, very hands on and involved in our children's lives, they need to be taught right from wrong and we are going to have to teach them hard truths about the world we live in and how it grieves the heart of The Lord. But, we are also going to have to teach them about LOVE! About living a life that overflows the love of Christ! So that when our children are in this crazy awful world we live in and they encounter gay Boy Scouts, for instance, that they know right from wrong, but they also know that our Jesus loves and is just as passionate about that boy as He is for our own children. 

We live in a fallen, very messed up world and rather than trying to keep the world out of everything we do, I think it is time that we just start loving the world! We should not condone their lifestyle and the sins they are committing, but we should love them, because if you ask me, that is what Jesus would do! He would live the sinner despite, their sin! After all, don't we all deserve death anyway, aren't we all sinners? It is time for Christians to stop putting on this high and mighty show and to start loving people!!! 

Tough like her Daddy!!

We always knew our little girl was tough! She is, after all, her Daddy's daughter!

However, on Monday when I took her to the doctor for an immunization and explained to the doctor that she had a slight cold, he proceeded to look her over, just in case, before giving her the shot! She was all smiles and giggles, so i didn't really expect him to find anything other than some dried up snot in her face! As he was looking in her ears, he asked if she had been tugging on them at all, I said no! He was very surprised! Not only did my sweet little girl have an ear infection, but she had a double ear infection!!! Poor baby girl! :-( At least that meant no shot! :-)

As we were driving away from the doctors I began to think about how tough my little girl is!! I mean, here she was with a double ear infection just smiling away!! Her Daddy commented that she was tough like him and probably a little stubborn too!

So my dear sweet Makayla, here is my advice to you:


~ Be tough when you are standing up for what you believe, don't be afraid of adversity!
~ Be stubborn when other people are trying to lead you astray, stick to what God's Word says!
~ Be tough when other people make fun of you, remember we are all made in the image of Christ!
~ Be stubborn when you are following the path that God is leading you on, don't allow earthly influences to led you astray!
~ Be tough when life is hard, clinging to Christ for strength!

But most of all, my child, remember that on the days when you just can't be stubborn and tough anymore, that Mommy's arms are always a safe place to come! Don't be afraid to admit that you may not be as tough and stubborn as we think you are, because the truth of the matter is - all of our strength comes from Christ!! So cling to Him darling girl!!

Remember

Maybe it is because I just lost my Grandma or maybe it's because its almost Easter, but for whatever reason tonight at church as we were singing Remember by Tim Hughes, I started thinking about what Jesus' funeral would be like if he died today! How many people would show up to share stories and memories? How many people would come because He impacted their lives?

At my Grandma's funeral, so many family and friends had stories to share about her life, about how well she loved and about the impact she had on their lives. I have shared stories and memories with people that never met her and I will continue to! I can't wait to share with Makayla how much her Great-Grammy loved holding her, how she sang to her and even wanted to hide Makayla in her room at the nursing home! I will remember, I will share her stories, not for my glory, but so that people can get a glimpse of who she was!

Shouldn't we be even more willing to share about Christ? If you were going to His funeral and had to share memories and stories about how He has changed your life and impacted you, what would you say? Would those stories and memories stop after we leave that funeral? After we step foot out of the church, should we stop boasting about Christ? This might seem like a silly analogy for me to be making, but it really hit me how we are quick to share how much special people in ours lives have impacted us, but are we that quick to share what Christ has done for us?

So that is my goal this Easter season, not only to remember His life but also to share the impact He has had on my life and to share the story of the cross!  I will REMEMBER!!