I am SO blessed!!

As I got off of work today, I received this text from Christopher:

"One of the paramedics brought her daughter up here and she was seeming tired so I picked her up and was holding her and she was falling asleep and she was like woah she never let's people hold her lol then my instructor was like your gonna be a good dad :) "

I read words like that and my heart melts! I know that not only am I marrying an amazing Man of God, but someone who will one day be "Daddy" to my children and possibly even some orphans if the Lord so entrusts some into our hands. I know that Christopher will be an amazing husband and a great father, I am so blessed!!!

Remember!!

I am sure that most of you have heard the song, "Your Grace is Enough" by Chris Tomlin....I used to HATE it!! I mean seriously, our God does not forget us. Why does the bridge say, "Remember your people, Remember your children, Remember your promise!" Do we really think that God has forgotten His people, or His children, or even His promises? I used to sing this song and get so very annoyed, He has not forgotten us, He loves us!!! That was, up until a few weeks ago....

I was in Texas standing between my fiance and his father and we were singing this song....and as I sang the words God gave me vision...it went a little something like this.....

REMEMBER YOUR PEOPLE....



REMEMBER YOUR CHILDREN....



REMEMBER YOUR PROMISE...

"A father to the fatherless,
a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families"

You see..this song for me now goes so much deeper than God remembering us, its all about us remembering HIS people, HIS children, HIS promises!! We are called to love on the widows and the orphans!! Christopher and I were talking later that day, and I told him that I feel like our home in Africa will be an open door, somewhere that the widows and orphans can come and be loved, somewhere they are safe and fed!! I am excited for the things that the Lord has in store for us as a couple! I can't wait to go and love on the widows and the orphans and to be truly REMEMBER HIS PEOPLE, HIS CHILDREN, and HIS PROMISES!!!!

Until then, I will sing this song and smile, His grace truly is enough for me, and I will remember His promises!!!

Africa!

It's hard to believe that I am getting married in 84 days!! I am so excited! Along with that excitement come many questions about the future, from other people and myself. Most of the time when I tell people that I will be moving to Africa as soon as God opens the doors for Christopher and I to be there, people are shocked and surprised! Believe me, it took me awhile for God to convince me that He could use little me in such a big place, far from everything I know and love, but over time He has given me such a heart and passion for this lost and forgotten people, for the widows and the orphans, that when I see pictures and hear stories, my heart aches, I can't wait to be back there serving my God and these people, along side my husband (hehe..I really like the sound of that!) :-)

So the question remains, what does that look like? What will you be doing? Truth? We have absolutely no idea, but we are open to whatever the Lord places before us! I have dreams and visions of our home being constantly open, a safe haven for widows and orphans. A place where we love on and nurture young ones. A place where we come along side widows and help them to nurture their own children, and provide for themselves. I don't want our house to be somewhere that people just come to be spoiled, but rather a place where they come to be taught. Taught about how to raise children, provide for themselves, but most of all I want them to be taught about the love of Christ! I see children playing in the yard (dirt); our own biological children, the orphans we have taken in and the children from the village! I hear laughter and joy bouncing down the dirt roads and through the dirt huts! You see, I know this life will not be easy, I know there will be pain and hurt, I know there will be days when my heart is filled with pain as I watch little ones suffer, but I also know that our God is the great physician and I know that there will also be days when we see healings, both physical and spiritual!! I know there will be days of great joy and days of great sorrow, but I know that no matter what kind of day it is, I will still chose to serve my Father and He will still be good and still be on His throne!

I don't know if these dreams I have will match up with what the Lord has in store for us, but I know that He has a great call on our lives! There have been many times over the past few months when I have thought about the future and been worried, because we don't have a plan, we don't know what is in store. But as I was reading a book the other night for my Evangelism and Discipleship class, the author was talking about when Christ called His disciples. He didn't have some great plan for His ministry, He didn't have a program or a way He was going to change the world. He didn't plan out this amazing ministry and then get leaders, instead He got leaders and then planned the ministry. Jesus didn't use programs and lessons, He used PEOPLE! I know God has called Christopher and I to go where some people won't go, I know He has called us not to live the "safe" life! I know that He has chosen us to be His "people", now we are just waiting for Him to open the doors and to lead us as we start His "ministry!"

I wanna be a GREEN light!

Ever have those moments where God speaks to you and its almost like a "DUH" moment? Today while I was sitting in the gym during our Crosswalk service listening to Pastor preach about Caleb, I had one of those "DUH" moments! Pastor was talking about how Caleb was a green light when it came to following the Lord! He just went full force, didn't slow down, didn't hesitate, just went! Pastor then went on to talk about being red and yellow light people, people that either completely STOP and sit and wait until they are absolutely sure it is God speaking or people that hesitate and go forward with lots of caution, always wanting to follow God, but doing it with caution!

As I sat there and listened to Pastor preach it was a DUH moment for me, because I am being that "yellow" light person! Don't get me wrong, I'm about to get married and go into full time missions, but even in that my yellow light in the back ground is still going off, I'm still being overly cautious and asking all the "buts" and "what-ifs" that I could ever imagine! My fiance is a complete "Green" light kinda guy, if God say go, Christopher doesn't hesitate, he packs up and is off. I don't want to be the back-seat driver that slows us down but telling him to be careful and waiting. If God says go, I want to trust not only the Lord, but the instincts of my future husband and just go! I want to be a "green light" kinda girl! The girl that is willing to leave it all behind and just go, the kind that doesn't sit back and wonder if it is really, but just trusts that He will close the door if we aren't supposed to be walking through it!

Pastor also shared that his grandmother's prayer for his life became this,
"If there is a door that you want Craig to be walking through and he isn't,
just shove him through it!"

That is going to become my prayer for me!
"God if you want us to go and the "yellow light" in me starts to shine,
will you just shove me through!"


I WANT TO BE A GREEN LIGHT FOR GOD!!!

Christopher Daniel Mullins asked me to be His Bride!

(warning: this post is VERY long...read at your own risk!)


Our Story!



During the summer of 2004, while I was working as a Youth Intern under, John Ferguson, he came up with this crazy idea to make ME an e-harmony page....its okay, go ahead and laugh, I did too!! :-) At first this e-harmony page was a huge joke, my closet friends and I looking at my "matches" and laughing...some guys SO far from being "right" for me and others having a few qualities, but none that even sparked my interest! During that summer, one of my friends jokingly said I should add my screen name to my profile, that way if the guys wanted they could communicate with me. So my screen name was added and after a few weeks, the whole profile being forgotten about on my part. A couple of months later, I got a random IM from a screen name "theserextremedays"....thinking it was just one of my students, I responded...only to find...it was in deed, not one of my students but instead, Christopher!

Christopher and I chatted for awhile, found out he lived in Texas....first thought...whew...I'm safe, I'll never even have to meet this guy!! But as the occasional chats turned into hours and hours and later on into late night phone calls, that feeling of being safe changed...more into a bit sad that I would never have a chance to meet this amazing man of God! Our conversations continued, often late into the night as he was working the night shift as a paramedic, they turned from the normal everyday stuff to digging deeper and truly getting to know who each of us really was. The more I got to know this guy, the more my desire for the Lord deepen, Christopher pushed me in ways no else ever had. Our conversations grew deeper and deeper, until one conversation lead to the question, "What if I came up there to visit you?"

December 6th, 2007, my best friend and I drove to the airport to pick up the most amazing man! We spent an amazing weekend together, went snowboarding, met the family, spent time with friends, it was ALOT of fun! His flight was supposed to leave on Monday morning, but was delayed and he HAD to stay for another day! :-) He left and we agreed that I would fly down and visit him in Texas over my Spring Break! Less than a month after he left....I was on a plane to Texas! I mean...Spring Break, was just TOO far away! So I flew down on New Year's Eve and spent a week with him and his family! I was very nervous about meeting his family and spending a week down there, but it was a lot of fun! The most memorable experience from my week there was the day that we packed up our Bibles and headed to the state park to do devotions together (I wouldn't know until a month later how much this scene would impact my whole life!) I flew our that Sunday night with a desire to not only get to know this man more, but to do a DTS with YWAM! God was starting to plan my future and I was in awe of Him!

A little less than a month later as I sat in a church service with my best friend, praying about the future and Christopher and DTS, the Pastor asked us to close our eyes and envision a place that brought us peace. As I closed my eyes the first thing that popped into my mind was that park where Christopher and I had done devotions...as I struggled to make myself focus on what God wanted me to hear and not think about Christopher, God spoke VERY clearly to me! You see that day when we were doing devotions we were both leaning against the same tree, I was looking straight ahead over the lake and watching the sun as in was setting in front of us, Christopher was off to the side of the tree, a little behind me......as I envisioned us sitting under that tree God told me that He was like the sun and that I needed to keep my eyes on Him and that every time I turned my eyes to focus on Christopher that I was taking my eyes off of Christ and the things that He had for me. (don't worry God didn't stop there ;-) ) He then went on to tell me that there would come a time when Christopher would be right at my side and that together we would walk hand and hand with our eyes focused on Christ and the things He had for us! As I drove home that night I was in tears, was this it? Was he really the man that God had for me? I couldn't believe it, I had finally found my prince charming! I wish that I could say it was perfect from then on out, but the Lord allowed us to hit some rocky roads between that moment and where we are today!

Our friendship continued to blossom, but deep in my heart, I knew he was it, so it was very hard for me to not desire more than just a friendship with him. I moved to Texas that September to do my DTS, shortly after Christopher and I decided to take a break, I was devastated and began to question what I had really heard, maybe I didn't really understand what God was telling me back in Feb, maybe He just spoke that to try and get my eyes focused on Him, maybe that last part about Christopher and I following Him together had just been my dreams and desires. I went through my DTS and tried to seek His face and figure things out, I fell in love with Jesus in a huge way and experienced things I never could have imagined, but was still at a loss as to what was supposed to be between Christopher and I. It wasn't until after my DTS and Christopher's SOE that we began to really talk seriously again!

"I knew it! Yes, thank you God!" Those were the emotions that I had when we started talking and Christopher admitted that he still had feelings for me! We spent that summer learning a whole lot more about each other, he was up here, I drove down there for a week and I was convinced that I really had heard God clearly that day a year and a half ago. Christopher was feeling very called to go and serve with a new DTS that was starting in Malta, as I prayed and continued to seek what God wanted for my life, I really felt like I was supposed to go to Malta with Christopher! I met him for breakfast that morning and told him not only about feeling called to Malta, but also shared with him my vision from under the tree that up until that point he had no idea about! I left Texas that August, convinced that in a few months I would be going to Malta with Christopher! I was convinced this was it...we were going to go to Malta, help lead the DTS, fall more in love with Christopher and someday marry that boy! Never would have ever imagined what would happen within a month of me leaving Texas!

Christopher is very in tune with God and so when Christopher says he feels like God is saying this or that I tend not to question it very much, however that night in September when Christopher and I were talking and he told me that he didn't feel like WE were a God thing, I could do nothing but question him....What do you mean we aren't a God thing? I told you about my vision, of course we are a God thing! After lots of tears and tons of heartache I decided I couldn't push it anymore, what if Christopher was right, what if WE weren't a God thing, what if that vision was really all me and yet again I began to grieve this relationship and try to put the pieces of my life back together!

In January of 2010, Christopher boarded a plane and headed to Malta, while I stayed here in the US, trying to figure our what it was that God was trying to teach me. I began to evaluate my life, watched my best friend fall in love with her soul mate, tried desperately to seek the face of the Lord and overall continued to grieve what I was convienced was my soul mate. It took me 7 months to finally convince myself to move on. I went on a couple blind dates, tried to push through the "but he's just not Christopher" thoughts on each date! The guys were good solid Christian guys, but were just not right for me, they were NOT Christopher!



Christopher and I had continued to stay conected the whole time he was in Malta on, we would catch up on facebook or whatever, never anything more than "hey what's up?....I'm praying for you!" In August, he told me before he flew back into the states that he was flying into Detroit at 1:30 PM! My heart raced that day, I couldn't wait to hear his voice, to talk to him! I convinced myself that he had to make the first move, I would not go after him, it had to be his move not mine! I washed my car that afternoon, one of my friends came over and we were laying out in the pool....I kept checking my phone...1:20....1:25....okay Emily, you know he has to like call his parents and stuff, he probably won't even contact you till this evening, just relax! 1:30....1:33 my phone goes off, a text from Christopher!!! He was barely on US soil for a couple minutes and he was texting me!!! My heart raced and raced!! I started praying right away, Lord somehow help me to guard my heart, this boy has already broken my heart twice, don't let me fall again, but the reality was I had never really ever gotten over this boy! We talked alot, almost every night, I tried really hard not to let my true feelings show, I tried to guard my heart and allow Christopher to pursue me and for him to making the phone calls and texts and not me always contacting him. The more we talked the harder it was for both of us to hide our true feelings. One phone call was him admitting that he still had feelings for me, but begging me to guard my heart, because he didn't want to hurt me again, he told me not to start planning our wedding...haha! I just kept praying, God if this is right and this is good and of you, than tell Christopher, cause I know that my heart is already completely in love with him! We spent lots of time catching up, talking about everything, we talked about each of our dreams of being missionaries in Africa and about what we felt like God was saying. I continued to just ask God to speak to Christopher and begged him to take away every feeling I had for Christopher if this was not His will for me!

In October, Christopher surprised me and showed up at my doorstep late one night! He asked me to officially be his girlfriend, which I knew meant that he was sure about all of this!! He had told me before that he wouldn't pursue any relationship unless he was sure that he was going to marry me! We went ring shopping that week and started dreaming about the future and all about US!!!

On Thanksgiving morning, Christopher woke me up bright and early and took me out to breakfast and for an early morning walk in the park. We enjoyed our breakfast and headed to the park. We walked for awhile before stopping at a pretty spot that overlooked the river. Christopher set up his camera on the brick wall and we took lots of "us" pictures, we laughed and talked and joked! During one of his times of getting the camera set just right, he set up the video camera and I knew this was it......He was going to ask! We continued to take pictures and I pretended like I didn't see the obvious video camera sitting on the wall. We took several more pictures, laughed and talked a lot! I was getting nervous, was he going to ask..this had to be it, there was a video camera set up.....why is he taking so long to just ask! After awhile he finally commented about needing to head back to my house soon as extended family was coming over for Thanksgiving dinner, he suggested that we pray and head back. I agreed, thinking in the back of my mind, he's going to wait until after we pray together! He prays over us as a couple and I feel so very much in love with this amazing man of God! He finishes the prayer and my stomach flips...this is it...he's going to ask, I was certain! He continued to beat around the bush and keep changing the subject, what in the world was he doing?!

Finally after what seemed like forever, I decided maybe if I suggested leaving he would get the hint and just ask already. I just very simply asked, "Are you ready?" Just like that he dropped to his knee and said, "Yes, I'm ready for you to be my wife, to be my helpmate, to be my baby-mama, to live in Africa with me, to serve the Lord by my side....will you marry me?" (and I'm sure I am leaving out several other really sweet things, this is just all I remember.) I said "Yes!" and we proceeded to take a couple more pictures before texting and calling all of our closest friends and family! It truly was a morning, that I....even the non-morning person in me.....will NEVER forget!!

My Heart Beats for Africa!

Do you know what if feels like to be heartbroken?

To be homesick?

To miss someone or something so much it hurts?

Do you know that feeling, the feeling where your heart actually aches for something?

Whether it be a lover or a friend or a home or whatever else.

My heart aches like that for Africa tonight!

I sat at Vineyard tonight and listened to Tara Wallace speak from her heart in a huge way, about her recent trip to Sudan and Uganda and about being a Proverbs 31 woman! Now, don't get me wrong her words about being a Proverbs 31 woman were powerful and full of truth, but that isn't what hit me tonight. What hit me tonight were the pictures of the little orphans that Tara showed and bits and pieces of the stories that she told.

You see its been a year and a half since I was in Uganda, Africa, and I truly believe that I left a huge piece of my heart there. I've known for a little while now that I am called to go back, but tonight as I sat there and listened to her powerful words, my heart ached to go back!
My heart ached to hold little African babies, that just need love!


I've read blogs like this and this and just sat and cried for hours! There are children that are in desperate need for LOVE and we're too busy sitting here in America, drinking our expensive Starbucks coffees, driving our fancy cars, and living in our huge houses to even pay attention to the need that these children have. On August 20th of this year after reading some of those blog entries I wrote this in my journal:

"Thoughts baffle my mind, because I had myself convinced that long term missions was not for me, ministry, sure, but not missions. I had myself convinced that living in the US, marrying a youth pastor or someone who shared my passion for ministry is what I was supposed to be doing. I had myself convinced that while my heart aches for Africa, that God would allow me to go back someday, on a short term basis…this is scary…cause right now my heart just wants to be in Africa and not just for a week or two or a month but forever. I've convinced myself that long term missions is not for me…but is that me? Or is that God? Am I doubting my God? Have I been running away from what He is calling me to do? Was I so hurt by Chris that when I couldn't go to Malta, I ran from missions? Was I THAT crushed? I need to hear the voice of the Lord…I need to see His face...I need to feel His presence!"

About a month after I wrote that journal entry and had read more and more blog posts about people's ministries in Africa, going all the way back to the beginning of their stories and reading for hours...I wrote another journal entry title: "My heart is shaped like Africa!" It went something like this:

"Is it fair to say I'm having a hard time living in America while my heart is in Africa? I think so! While so much change is going on in my life…while I'm supposed to be looking for a job, the only thing my heart screams is Africa...Jesus, this makes NO sense...you sent me back to school...I don't get it Lord, why school when you knew I would be job searching? Why school when you know my heart beats for Africa? Why America when all I really want is Africa! Lord help me…cause I know that YOU have plans for my life...and that all MY plans and dreams can be thrown to the side in a second...but I'm confused where you want me and what you are doing with me on this tiny path in the long road that is my life!"

Shortly after I wrote that in my journal, I was reading another blog, a blog having nothing to do with missions or Africa, but in this blog the Christian blogger wrote this:

"I don't know what you are walking away from tonight, but as I have been praying about what to write the Lord has put this message on my heart so clearly that I had to share it. I want you to know I am praying for you as I write-asking the Lord to remind you tonight that there is a reason you have left that life behind."

It was as if she wrote the blog post for me...it is time for me to get ready to walk away from a life of comfort and walk into a life of uneasiness and completely trust the Lord with my life! That same night I wrote another journal entry (sorry that there are SO many of these, I just need to help you guys catch up to where my heart has been for the last few months!) I wrote:

"The place where you are standing is Holy Ground...there is something about worship that requires me to be barefoot...I don't care where I am or what church service it is...whether I will be looked at weird or not...I almost always take my shoes off...when I speak I do the same...the place where you are standing is Holy Ground...its not my name that I am speaking, but it is His...and I want His name to be honored...but tonight...I don't want to just stand on Holy Ground...but I want to RUN on Holy Ground….I wanna run barefoot...I wanna run into His presence and serve Him like never before...I want to run this race with perseverance!! I WANNA RUN!"

So you see...after listening to Tara speak tonight after a few months of being called back to missions and knowing that my life isn't going to be normal...tonight, I just broke...I want that...I want those babies...I want that life...I'm ready for it (or so I think) but the fact is...its not about MY timing, its about HIS timing!! Now just waiting for the Lord to open the right doors....



....hoping that His doors look like this one (taken in Africa) SOON!!


But until then....
I will remain with an achy heart for the children of Africa!!